and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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