8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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