she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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