Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
