Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
