It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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