He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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