idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
