I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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