I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
