well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
