oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
