I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
