Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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