Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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