awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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