My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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