The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
