So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I look better un-naked...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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