Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
