oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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