What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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