so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
