i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
