wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
