i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
