Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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