His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
How's work?
Spinning.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
