He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
