I love black thongs
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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