Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
they're like a gay fantastic four
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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