he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
