Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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