made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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