I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
