Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
