Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
