no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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