Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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