I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
