Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
