Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
