my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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