Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
