I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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