Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
