The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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