you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
