Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
