He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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