You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
