Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's rum buckets o'clock
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
