Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
